Having to come to terms it's time to end a relationship is not easy. We’re consumed by fears and internal doubts of when is it time to break up, or how many chances do you give to someone before you come to a conclusion it is time to leave a relationship. In this blog post, I’m going to share a few insights to guide you if you’re going through some tough times.
Right off the bat, let's tackle the difficult topic related to abuse. If you’re in an abusive relationship, regardless of its nature (verbal, physical, sexual, psychological, repetitive lies etc) and regardless of its consistency, you leave. Once or twice is more than enough consistency. You’ve got to get out. Many empathetic, highly sensitive, compassionate, loving people remain in toxic relationships because they are loyal people at fault. And they have a misaligned thought in their minds about loyalty. Remember that you owe no loyalty to abusive people. Don’t validate people’s injustice to you. Don’t stay in the relationship having false hopes that you will change abusive people. Get out, go somewhere safe and get professional help and support online, as well as from friends and family, because you will need it as abusive relationships leave trauma. Cut them loose and let them see the wreckage they are creating, let them find their own truths in life. Reminder: There are 7 billion people on this planet. There will be somebody who will treat you with the love, care and respect you deserve and who you can trust your brave heart with. The world is not full of narcissists and sociopaths as television and social media have you think. The world is full of extraordinary, good willing, capable, empathetic people. If you don't believe it, then this is your limiting belief and you will need to work on breaking through it otherwise you will be in this vicious cycle of attracting and dealing with unhealthy people.
Moving on to another insight as not everyone is in abusive relationships... Another time for you to break up and leave a relationship is when you’ve had repeated and failed discussions with your partner around your needs. Assuming you’ve had these discussions, coming from a place of sharing (not demanding) what is important to you, your feelings, your needs, desires and what you can and can’t tolerate in a relationship and in life, and assuming you’ve done more than a handful of times, giving the person a chance to understand, adjust and provide, if your conversations don't lead to better connection and experiences in the relationship, it most likely means you’re not aligned in values.
Now, I don’t recommend you breaking up if there’s never been a discussion about your truth. A lot of people don’t know and/or don’t communicate what's important to them, and internally, they built up so much hate, anger, and resentment, which make them one day explode and walk out without giving their partner a chance to know what was going on or a chance to adjust and ultimately provide. That’s not a good way to share your needs, wants, and desires with your partner. Get clear on your needs and learn how to express them in a healthy way. If it is a meaningful relationship, where there is misunderstandings all the time, when you’ve had multiple real discussions, open dialog with your partner and it’s not leading you to experience improvements, it is time to consider either getting external professional help or it is over.
Another insight for your to consider breaking up and leaving a relationship is when you’ve had these discussions and your partner continues to neglect your needs, could care less about your feelings, is inattentive to your requests, your reality, and you’ve given your feedback from the discussions you’ve had. Don’t stay in a relationship if you can’t have a healthy discussion or your partner doesn't care for what's important in your life. That is not a relationship. Heck, it is not even a friendship! If your partner is not engaging in what’s important to you, it’s time to have the courage and end things respectfully.
And the number one reason why people quit relationships is because they don’t feel appreciated and respected. This has nothing to do with validation of one’s ego. It’s a human need we all have. A need to feel important, significant, to matter. If you’re in a relationship where you’re giving 100% from a place of love, caring and true service, instead of a place of doing things to be validated, giving to get, trading all the time, but truly from a place where you strive to be the best partner you can be by understanding and turning toward your partner needs instead of away, and still you don't feel appreciated or respected, and you’ve had those discussions, but ultimately they turn into frustrated conversations, further neglect of your feelings and needs, it is undoubtedly time to quit and leave the relationship. ASAP!
Summarizing, if your partner is abusive and is neglecting these areas we’ve addressed on this blog post, listen to your intuition, build the courage and let your partner go. If it is real love, and if they are aligned with these values, maybe they will come back to your life after working on what needs to be addressed. It is not your job to usher everybody through their own journey. Your happiness depends on this decision. Unleash your brave heart and seek the relationship you will feel fulfilled in.
If this post touched you in any way and you would like to chat with me about the situation you’re in, I will be happy to connect, understand what's going on in your life and shine a light on your path. Grab a FREE 45mins call on my calendar and let’s discover if it is time for you to quit on someone and move on towards a fulfilling, loving and passionate relationship. You deserve it!