When you are in relationship with someone a long time, conflict is inevitable--some even say that conflict can go hand in hand with passion.
Sure, that might create variety from time to time for two human beings trying to accommodate each other’s uniquely different desires and interests, but what impacts the long-term health of the relationship is the way that they deal with the conflict.
When conflicts arise, are you one who accepts them? If so, are the conflicts worth the time and effort? Chances are that most of the time you end up not sweating the idiosyncrasies and instead compromise or work through the conflict with your partner.
Or, are you one who rejects conflict? Have such action can cost you something that you regret or leave you wishing could have been handled differently.
Rejecting conflict in relationships can create more pain than the conflict itself. There are, however, some extreme cases in which rejecting a conflict due to a specific behavior is the best for the relationship. For example, if a woman’s husband has an affair, or some sort of addiction, rejecting conflict and leaving him might be the only option to end the behavioral issue. In these extreme cases, if no improvement happens after counseling / coaching attempts involving both parties, the possible solution is to reject the destructive pattern and do whatever it takes to stop a specific behavior, even if that requires ending the relationship.
If neither accepting nor avoiding conflict is your style, then you likely find yourself tolerating it with hopes that it goes away.
This is a common pattern encountered in my private and group coaching sessions and one that leads to dead-end relationships. When something bothers, there is a feeling you experience, and most people avoid or deny the challenging emotions and tolerate the conflict to avoid being rejected, failing, or not being loved. If you find that you are bringing some issues up constantly yet only saying that it bothers you, this means you are “hinting.”
Hinting is a form of tolerating, and continued hinting builds resentment and can end a relationship.You must either accept or reject conflict and do it in an effective manner that benefits the relationship after the issue is resolved.
And altogether, as you learn which of the things causing conflict within your relationship should be defended and which aren't worth the fight, you will actually have less conflict overall to deal with.
Conflict is bound to happen, but when approached in a healthy way, it can create stronger, more passionate relationships.
My clients learn to naturally navigate conflict, and through it, create and express the love, partnership, and romance that fuels relationships. You too can learn how to effectively express your feelings without fear and stop tolerating things that bother you. Book a discovery session with me today and I will show you how.