We’ve all experienced the fun, “getting to know each other” stage of dating-- she laughs at my jokes, he shows affection in public; she's got great style, he cares about his appearance. But within it all, and no matter how fun things are out of the gate, the thing that determines whether a relationship will be successful depends on compatibility.
I wrote a blog post about this topic earlier in the year. I was blown away by the feedback received from both men and women and how they related to it.
To sum-up that post and to create a segway for today’s post, I coach my clients to choose compatibility first and to then see whether the partner is the right one. Impulsive decisions lead to disappointments.
It takes time to get to know someone, sometimes 3 - 6 months of regularly dating that person. In very rare occasions, spark happen and there is compatibility from the get go, but more commonly, we fall for a projection of the relationship we make in our heads because we want it so badly, until the day we wake up with that someone who is not a good fit. The good news is, you can save yourself from the frustrations of trying to force a relationship to fit by exploring first whether you and that person are compatible.
Compatibility is too casually defined as things that people enjoy doing-- we like vacationing on the beach or we like to spend the weekends in the mountains-- but does that mean you are compatible, or just that you have common interests?
Areas of compatibility fall into two primary categories: lifestyle and relationship standards. Understanding your values in each area will help you know early in the dating phase if you and the other person are compatible.
What does that look like?
If you as a woman enjoy a certain lifestyle because you earn six figures but your man is very content earning $50k a year, you might experience friction in the relationship because of your disparity in standards. These represent different values in what is important to experience, and if not aligned, eventually will lead to pain, problems, and clashes. This kind of turmoil can be particularly disruptive for a woman who desires to be essentially in the feminine energy in the relationship. You may feel that in order to maintain your life standards, you need to be the provider and all will fall on you, which pushes you into masculine energy and the risk of resenting your partner.
What makes a relationship work is having common standards for your lifestyle. And what makes a relationship passionate is having different, or polar, energies. Learn more about that topic in a blog I wrote a while back.
If a man wants to have deeper conversations with his woman and he is searching for substance while she is content with more surface-level relating and isn't interested in more complex matters of life, this can trigger the man to become potentially disinterested, bored, or even lead him to look elsewhere for someone to meet his conversational needs.
A final example, and one that can lead to relationships ending:
If you as a wife do not consider sex to be a natural need and sees the act of it as unnecessary and are content with having to do it once a month, but your husband’s standard is having a vibrant, healthy, sexual relationship with his wife with whom he shares a bed and life with, problems in the relationship are inevitable.
Sex is a primal and natural need that men have, and if it is not provided within a marriage, they will seek elsewhere to have that need to be taken care of. Conversely, and as horrible as it sounds, women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place. It is especially important for women to explore their values around intimacy and whether they are compatible with the man’s. If not, and if the relationship becomes a marriage, it could result in constant conflict.
I’ve seen numerous relationships with incompatibilities in lifestyle standards, where women desire more than the relationship is aligned with, as well as intimacy standards, where men struggle with wives who have very different views of intimacy.
So, knowing how relationships can suffer if not based in compatibility, how can you make sure you choose the right partner, then?
Choose a partner that has similar lifestyle values, common interests, similar life vision, and is the OPPOSITE energy from your energetic essence. Where the masculine is about direction and mission, the feminine is about emotion and connection; where the masculine seeks to feel appreciated, the feminine seeks to feel understood. And it is these differences that create passion – that spark that brings us even closer to each other.
I offer two courses explaining how polarity equals passion and how to create a magic love life. Please click on these links to check the details of these courses online.
Factors of compatibility erase SO many problems, leading to ease and peace, eliminating the constant fight to try changing each other or having to surrender your standards to keep the other person in your life. By selecting a relationship based in compatibility, you will have a greater appreciation for the intricacies of the masculine and feminine energies.
Now that you have a clearer picture of the role of compatibility in relationships, do you know what kind of partner would be compatible for you? More importantly, do you know the values you have for your lifestyle, and do you have a clear view of your desires around intimacy? If not, and you are ready to find that compatible life partner, it’s time that you and I work together.
I can help you find a vision for your ideal relationship and avoid you typical relationship obstacles. Book your [FREE] discovery session now and share a bit about where you are in your life.
Your journey to a successful relationship can begin today!